This has no title I just typed what I feel right now, I know everyone can relate.
Have you ever been in your room, alone and not doing anything? I don’t define “not doing anything” as watching television or listening to music. I mean when your laptop and phone screams that they need power and you intentionally let them die in front of you. You can always bring them back later, but for now you don’t have what it takes to revive them. When your parents shout on you for dinner and you pretend you’re sleeping. When you can’t be a person or in terms of social standards, interact with people as they expect you too. The times when your ceiling unconditionally owns all your attention, projecting your life, everything that has been and ever will be and most importantly, everything that ever could have been and everything that ever could be. Your body is still and your eyes are fixed. When someone you love loves someone else. You ask your ceiling “why?” “How is this fair?” and the reply is invariably, eternally and ever lastingly a sixty minute lecture on how you are a lesser being than the person they have chosen. You analyse your body in every aspect from head to toe, down to a biological level and inspect your external and internal features asking yourself if they are of a standard anyone else would deem acceptable, while thinking about how you always tell people you don’t care what they think of you, with the knowledge you are talking straight from your gluteus Maximus. Temporary death of your electrical appliances is caused by the desire not to see what your one way loved one is enjoying now. You try and diagnose yourself with Agliophobia, Agateophobia, Allodoxaphobia. You come to realise that even if you did know the answer of what one’s mental standing is, it doesn’t matter because you are still incontrovertibly in severe fucking pain, and the only cure is your ceiling’s fiction, non-fiction and generated story’s, at least for some time. You revive your electrical appliances, you listen to some music, you start interacting with people, you feel marginally better then suddenly “News’s feed refreshing” you see it, Initially you feel happy at seeing their pulchritudinous name before your mind has time to process the information, you’ve seen it. You suddenly feel a cascade in reverse uninvitingly trying to erupting from within. Time stops, you haven’t pressed “pause” but the song you were listening to now holds no merit, nor words. You abandon your electrical appliance and history repeats itself.
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